Have you had a recent hook up that had such bad taste, you just have to share it with the masses?  Send in a photo, even if it’s just from your phone, and we will feed it to the wolves & women to get a general consensus…

Do you have a friend who really needs help with their pun-tang?  Send in their story and maybe Diane will come see them and help them get some some…

Do you live in an AssCastle yourself and wonder why you can’t capture the kind of females you wish to tame?  Send in your story and I’ll do what I can…

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I WAS GONNA SLEEP WITH YOU UNTIL I SAW THIS:

The Penis Chandelier:


penis light

Holy cow, the first cell phone photo submitted is a winner. A lady with taste who asked to remain nameless (I warned her that this guy will probably figure out who she is unless he gets pro-athlete levels of ass) took this pic just before running out the door.

This is what we call “too on the nose”.


The Spread Your Legs Chairs

I gotta say, I’ve only received two photos but clearly, America is needing this website. The first thing I wondered is if the man who paid for these seats thought he still had to say “sit here and do that with your legs” or if he believed the chairs said it for him.

Hey Mister V is for Vagina/Vulva/Vroom Vroom baby:

I gotta say, you have made my day as the creator of AssCastles.  But if you ever wanna get laid again – get rid of these chairs TODAY.


The Porno Room or after hours Disco?

I don’t imagine this TV ever plays the National Geographic channel. Or Lifetime. Not that I watch either at my house but I’m mostly wondering: where on earth did this person get the gold wall paper?

If there is a bed in front of this TV, this must be the porn room. And that’s no good for real life action. If this room is empty all around the mirrored columns for dancing… Then rock on. In your own 1970’s way