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  1. Ess says:

    Dear Diane,

    I don’t know where to start other than to thank you for sharing your story and writing such a funny, endearing and poignant book about your experiences. There isn’t another book about interracial relationships (at least to my knowledge) that provides such a moving first-hand account about all of the emotions involved when you choose an interracial marriage.

    I ordered Kissing Outside the Lines from Amazon last July. I was in tears by page 27. Not so much because your story had brought me there (yet) but because it brought to the surface all of my feelings about my own relationship that I suppress on a daily basis. I am not one to write ‘fan’ letters to actors or authors but I immediately thought, “I need to tell her how much her book affected me.”

    Then life happened, your book got put to the side (unfinished) and no letter was written. It wasn’t until today, six months later, that I was finally able to finish the book. All over again, I had tears in my eyes and once again insisted to myself that I needed to write.

    One thing I learned from your book is that although my experience is my own, it is not unique. Somehow that provides me with a certain sense of belonging AND anger that I’m not sure I’ve ever felt or acknowledged before.

    My husband and I met our first day of college. We were five months into our relationship before he was able to admit to me, what Seung admitted to you fairly early in your relationship, that his parents were going to have an issue with it. We persevered through the next seven months, but ultimately broke up because the intense pressure from his family was too much. It took seven years apart for him to realize that he had the courage and strength to stand-up to his family and accept what he knew would be the inevitable outcome of his decision to be with me.

    Not a positive word has been said between my husband and his parents since were engaged ten years ago; and in fact not a word has been spoken between them since our wedding day eight years ago. Neither his parents nor his extended family came to our wedding, and no attempt to contact one another has been made on either side since.

    We now have a funny, smart and beautiful 2 ½ -year-old daughter whom they have never met. Whereas I used to encourage my husband to reach out to his family, I am now thankful for the estrangement. As a mother I want to protect her from the harsh realities of the world as long as I can; and I find it difficult to believe that given the way they feel about me, they could feel any differently about her.

    Thank you for sharing your experiences and best wishes to you and your (gorgeous!) family.

  2. Marissa says:

    Hi Diane, I heard of your book not long after I began dating a wonderful Chinese-American man (I’m a white girl from a VERY white state.) I put off reading your book for a few months because I was in graduate school, but finally thought it might help me navigate the tumultuous journey of becoming accepted by his family. It has been a revelation! It has made me feel that I’m not alone in my cold reception by my boyfriend’s family. I have met many people say “oh the cultural differences are too big” and “I’d never marry someone outside of my race” (from liberal, fellow college graduates no less!). I wondered if things would ever improve. It seems every week, I read an amazing passage from your book to my boyfriend. Just last night, I told him “I feel so much better reading this book now!” He said, “Too bad you didn’t read that book before we started dating!” I have felt alone and isolated throughout our courtship related to my relationship with his family, and what it means to be an interracial couple. Reading your book, I feel it is ALL possible (particularly since you provide the Caucasian woman-Asian man match-up which is quite uncommon). By no coincidence, things have improved by miles with his family and me. Your words have, most importantly, allowed me to release my irrational fears, and also, have serious conversations with my boyfriend on many of the issues you raise. I cannot thank you enough! P.S. You and The Giant Korean (my boyfriend knows this term by now; mine is The Giant Chinese guy with a Black guy’s name :) ) are adorable, and the little ones couldn’t be cuter! Thank you for such honest writing!

  3. Diane Farr says:

    HEY LEONARD – Thank you. Thank you. For reading and sharing the book and sharing your story and our history. What a pleasure it was to read your words. Diane

  4. Leonard says:

    Diane, the short version of this (which is still long, so I apologize) is that one of my jobs is doing post-production work on DVDs – so I ended up actually working on episodes of Rescue Me and Numb3rs when you were on those shows. As I have to do research on actors, names, places, etc., I ended up finding out that you were in an interracial marriage. This interested me, because (well, let’s call a spade a spade), Hollywood, for better or worse, has generally not been kind to Asians, and even worse to the Asian male. And so any time someone is able to rise above what our preconceived notions are as a society, what our media churns out, and learn to befriend or love that which is not necessarily considered the status quo, I’ll immediately latch on to that story. That’s why I latched on to yours.
    I am married to someone of Asian descent, but that is secondary to what we both believe in, which is to surround ourselves with loving, nurturing people. To that end, we’ve been blessed to have so many people we could call brothers and sisters that are not of our ethnic background. I know it’s not an apples to apples comparison, because having someone be your husband or wife is drastically different from having someone as a friend; but by the same token, I like to think that the very seeds that germinate the idea of love start with welcoming anyone under your roof, regardless of race, religion, etc.
    These are so many of the reasons why I was so drawn to your book, and why it moved me.
    Ultimately, race in America is this elephant in the room that many pretend is not there, and because of that it ofttimes receives too much of the wrong kind of attention, or not enough attention at all. And yet, you devoted an entire book to the topic, while managing to have equal parts of both shocking boldness and of eye-opening truthfulfulness.
    One night, before my wife and I sat down to dinner with a group of friends, I read them the part in your book when you first hit on Seung. We laughed our asses off. Then I read them your list of rules on how to date in Korean culture. We laughed our asses off again. Then the Asians at the table were like, “Holy crap, she’s onto us.” That’s when I knew I had to pass the book on for others to read.

  5. Diane Farr says:

    Leonard, you made my day at dinner in Koreatown. The woman seated next to me was a really successful writer. Even if I had paid you money to come over and tell her I was a great writer, I don’t think it could have made a better impression on her! (she is my friend but it made me feel wonderful) Thank you for reading.
    Since I was at the super cool Korean restaurant when we met I am assuming you are Korean. I’m not sure what backround your wife was but tell me what brought you to the book or what made you so interested, as she was Asian and that made me so happy that the story still moved you so.
    thank you again for introducing yourself. df

  6. Leonard says:

    Hi Diane, I’m the guy who intruded upon your dinner in Koreatown tonight. Again, sorry for that, but my friends that I was with said I should say hi since I have literally been talking about your book for the past few weeks (and I did actually finish reading it on my honeymoon). Truly, kudos to you on writing such an engaging, bold, poignant, and hilarious book that dealt with such a sensitive subject. I’ve already passed the book on to others for their edification. Thank you and your husband for being an inspiration.

  7. Jacqueline + Kobi says:

    We would be so honored!! As I was reading your book, it refreshed a great deal of things that I had forgotten as well. Some of the wonderful conversations, and some of the difficult ones, tend to leave the memory over time. But, its imperative to remember, feel, reflect -so as to be armed and ready when the need arises!! My email is
    I had always said that “we should write a book” about our journey -and you are really encapsulated a great deal of our feelings and thoughts. We would love to help in any way that we could! Take care -Jacqueline + Kobi

  8. Diane Farr says:

    The next book is about raising biracial children. I’d love to speak with you. Can you send an email address ? Thank you for reading and writing Jacqueline and Kobi. Diane!

  9. Jacqueline + Kobi says:

    Hello Diane! I just finished reading your book “Kissing Outside the Lines” and I would have volunteered myself and my husband as willing participants -and do -if you are looking for more stories!

    My husband was born and raised in Singapore and both his parents are of Indian descent. I am a mixture of sorts: 1/2 French, 1/4 Irish, 1/4 German. We have 2 children that are growing up in the combined-culture household and we are so energized about our family!

    I can really relate to so many of your feelings, thoughts, fears, actions -as Indian culture IS Asian culture -and I dealt with similar stories. Your courtship, meeting the families, the wedding ceremonies -all mirror our journey. We had a bit of resistance about our union, got married 3 times, have language that tends to divide more that congeal us-but all of these fall by the wayside b/c of our attraction and deep love for each other. We have NEVER seen color -chocolate brown vs blinding white -but others do.

    Anyway, I really enjoyed your book, and my husband started to read it also. We are always cognizant of the fact that we are different in appearance, and want to to have open dialogue w/ our kiddos about this fact in case they have questions, get teased, etc.

    If you ever want my 2 cents worth -like the time my daughter cried b/c she said we were different b/c she was brown and I was not and was I still her mother -all at the age of 2 1/2 -just ask. :)

    Take care and keep your love and connection alive -you are an inspiration for others that love is just love.

  10. [...] Diane Farr is an actress and author. Her latest book is Kissing Outside the Lines. [...]

  11. Diane Farr says:

    Hello Emilie,
    thank you for writing and I’m sorry the line felt like a sweeping judgment. I didn’t mean it with Judgement at all – rather, I meant it as factual. The very meaning of devout, is that one is leading a life devoted to one field or study. Therefore all their reading material would be in the same vein, all their colleague or most trusted circle of advisors would be from the same sect. It has been my experience, that outside from people tasked to do outreach, that anyone following a devout religious life has little to know intimate experience with people outside that faith. I have seen this in Catholic, Jewish, Jehovah’s witness, Born Again Christians and Mormon followers.
    Again, thank you for writing your feelings. And for not “throwing the baby out with the bathwater” when you felt insulted by the line. diane

  12. Anonymous says:

    Hello Diane,

    I am writing a book titled, Legendary Locals of Oceanside for Arcadia Publishers.
    I included you in my last book for Arcadia, Images of America…Oceanside.
    This book will consist of over 100 biographies of our prominent natives.

    I’d like to interview you, please, whenever you would get a chance. From the looks of your website that might be 2025…busy woman! My email is above and my phone number is below.

    I teach at the high school and I only knew you a little. We talked once when you were trying to get sponsorship for Miss NYS. I taught your brother Billy 8th grade earth science many moons ago.

    I also need a picture if you would be so kind. I know there are a million out there
    but I need one that doesn’t have a copyright.

    Thanks for your consideration.

    Sincerely,

  13. Emilie says:

    I LOVED this book. However, I took great exception to one particular passage in which you wrote, “…maybe Kusum’s heavy heart caused her to dismiss the fact that devout followers of any faith rarely read material published outside their safety zone or converse with people leading a secular life”.

    Oh, Diane…boo! In the midst of a book which champions tolerance, understanding and not making blind, sweeping judgments about any group you chose to write a line aimed directly at devout members of ANY faith?

    You undermined the very soul of your book with that misguided statement.

  14. Diane Farr says:

    thank you Amanda. I’m glad you liked it. Good luck with the continued relationship with your in-laws :)

  15. Amanda says:

    Problems don’t only arise from bi-racial marriages. I am married to a German (now an American citizen) and while we are both “white” – there have been bi-cultural challenges in our relationship.

    We don’t have common frames of reference from childhood, our educational experiences were very different, and especially with my non-English speaking in-laws, there is a huge communication gap.

    Enjoyed the book so much, you’ve written a book that addresses a sensitive topic honestly and with a LOT of humor.

  16. Misook Catherine says:

    I just came across to this website and your new book. I am an American who originally was a Korean before becoming a US citizen three years ago. I, myself like Seung Yong have full-blooded Korean parents. When I first introduced my now husband to my parents for the first time, I was really nervous. My husband is a Caucasian American. I was so nervous that my parents would disapprove of getting married. But surprisingly I received a response from my father that I had not expected. My father said:-”I will not disapprove your marriage to your fiance because I know you lot will marry with or without our approval anyway.” I thought, wow! he is open to other cultures. My family has the background of having lived in Europe for years while I was growing up. But in hindsight, I think that my father must have been disappointed with my choice of spouse. But my mom knew that I was not going to marry a Korean because I do not mix in very well with the traditional Korean standards of being a Korean wife. So my mom was accepting of us from the get go. So to sum it up, my parents and my siblings were somewhat to totally open to the idea of myself getting married to a Caucasian American. But my extended family members were in an uproar. They did not take the fat very well.

    So I want to say Thank You for writing a book about interracial relationship. My husband and I have been married NINE YEARS and counting. Like as an old saying says, “Time Heals Everything.” All aspects of my family have come to terms with my marriage and they love my husband a lot. Thanks once again, Diane!!!!!! Your family looks beautiful!!!!!! I cannot wait to actually own a copy of your book!!!!!!!

  17. Thanks for the insights! says:

    Great book! Having met my wife while living in Korea, I thought I had a pretty good grasp of the culture and how it would impact our marriage, but your book gave me a lot of good things to chew on both for my marriage and my eventual kids. Thanks for slogging through all of the interviewing, writing, and editing that it takes to churn out nearly three hundred pages of good prose. All the best!

  18. Diane Farr says:

    ah these posts make my day. Particularly when a reviewer says I annoyed them as much as “The Help”. Thanks very much for this!

  19. Diane Farr says:

    I do not speak Korean. Thanks for the note, and thinking I could master this language as a full grown adult, but sadly it’s not true.

  20. Awesome Read! says:

    I am not a very fast or dedicated reader outside of formal education and my career field. However, I could not put your book down! I thought this book was an honest and intimate approach to talking about love. Even the title and first chapter are enticing and you want to keep reading. I appreciate the honesty and realization that although not all wounds from hate, prejudice, and racism will not heal overnight, taking steps to talk about it will help our children live in a brighter tomorrow.
    By telling your story and others, you embody the dream from freedom fighters and lovers past present and future!

    Thanks,
    Mona

  21. Hey, Dianne says:

    Hello, Dianne, I am your fan. I just read a book about you. I felt really impressed and have good vision about marring other racials. I am from South Korea. I was born in Incheon City. I used to live in United States and India when I was young. I hope that you have good relationship with your husband. Anyway, do you speak Korean?
    Haengbok Hagae Jal Sa Sae Yo(행복하게 잘 사세요).

  22. Diane Farr says:

    Thank you Elyse! My favorite part is that your mother is reading KOTL. I hoped people in the throws of setting up their life with a partner would enjoy the book but I really, really, really hoped they would give it to their parents as a warm, funny, tool to help them look at how we see the world and HOW MUCH their opinion effects us. (Although I’m guessing you guys could be hitting roadblocks from any side…). All the best to you. df

  23. Elyse says:

    Diane,

    You have NO idea how much your book is helping me. I feel like I’m reading parts of my life even though it’s your story. I am jewish and my fiance is Korean, and it makes for interesting family talks and wedding planning. THANK YOU for writing this book. I’m going to read it with my fiance, and my mom even said she’s going to buy a copy. Kamsahamnida!

    Best,
    Elyse

  24. [...] Diane Farr\s piece in Modern Love, which ended with the bio indicating she had just published Kissing Outside the Lines on her life as the aforementioned Irish-Italian girl, I believe I ordered the book from BN.com in [...]

  25. Diane Farr says:

    Thank you for this story KK, this is unbelievable! It really warmed my heart. I wish you the best of luck in your union and I”m sure you will overcome whatever presents itself. I think your parents must be caring people, having adopted a child – and a child outside their own race over a decade ago before it was such commonplace, i’m sure you will find your way through all of the tribulations you may encounter. I would also remind you to keep in mind that what you and your future husband share, in love and in partnership, may have very little to do with your ancestry and don’t let anyone’s parents force that on you! Love him for why you love him, and don’t pay attention to what other people tell you what you do or don’t have in common!!!

  26. KK says:

    We have a similar story, I think, with a twist: my German/mixed European parents adopted me from South Korea; hence lots of odd looks when people equate my last name with my Asian face. Later, I went to a university with lots of Koreans, made good friends among them, learned a lot about Korean culture, and am dating one and will marry him soon. I’ve felt a bit stifled because I look as though I should fit in, and then act completely the opposite. Your stories about marriage preparation gave me a lot of insight into the trials and joys of interracial marriage – even though outside I look like I should belong!

    P.S. Also, my boyfriend has the same sound at the end of his Korean first and last names, just like Seung Yong Chung does. :)

  27. Michelle says:

    I just saw interview about your book and am dying to get my hands on it. I have had several of those converastions in my home with my southern parents who remember going to segregated schools in the ’60s and have always frowned on the interracial dating. I have always dated non-blacks, not mind you by design, but more socio economic interactions have not put in an area with many Black me. Now that my sister and brother and I are all grown up (and my brother has married a white girl) they do not really mind who we bring home, as long as they are Christians. I nearly died last Christmas when my mom offerred to buy a ticket for my Tiawanese boyfriend to come home with me. I guess she finally gave up the ghost on the Black man.

  28. Love it! says:

    I’m a biracial baby and I’m so happy that you wrote this book. I did feel the sting of racisim growing up but because of my family I learned to overcome them and just be myself. I’m so happy for you and your beautiful family.
    God Bless!

  29. Diane Farr says:

    Thanks Amy, how wonderful to hear that without familial trauma the joy and drama of mixing the cultures is still the same. df

  30. Diane Farr says:

    What a great story of hope about your grandmother. my favorite thing about Obama now is that he did inspire so much hope for race relations and that now he is just looked at as a president. and judged for his politics and policies. this reassures me so much. it’s funny but i really think if hillary had won and was president there would still be non-stop talk about her being a woman and how that effects her choices and policy. I”m just so glad that race is not being discussed in this way.

  31. Amy says:

    Just finished reading the book and loved it and also couldn’t put it down. I even shed a few tears when I read about the speech you gave in Korean at your wedding! As an Italian/white girl from a big loud family who married a handsome black man with parents who never talk during family gatherings reading about your experiences with the in-laws made me laugh out loud many times which wasn’t so convenient when I was trying to read in bed on my android phone at 2am while my husband was sleeping! Although I’m sure our parents had concerns when we were dating, they never expressed them and have pretty much always supported us. This did not prevent me from relating to just about every story in the book because when your trying to merge two cultures and families there is always drama. Thank you for writing this book. It was entertaining and enlightening at the same time.

  32. Dear Diane,

    Having grown up with a Korean father and Greek-American mother, both pretty free minded individuals in their own right, my sister and I find it interesting how mixed heritage can still be taboo for some. So thanks for writing this-I can’t wait to grab a copy. We are just one sampling of a multi-racial family, and we pray for the day when misunderstandings and barriers will be gone for good. Congrats on your book and ps: my bro-in-law loved numb3rs!

    Best,

    JKL

  33. elcee8 says:

    I loved your book! It was funny and insightful. My parents are very much like the ones you describe in the book. I’m Cambodian American. My parents made it clear in the past that I could date anyone I wanted, as long as he wasn’t African American (even though my mother watched Oprah everyday) or Vietnamese. Now that we have a black president, my mother recently told me that she didn’t care if I brought home a black boyfriend. The older generation is strange, but there is hope, I guess!

  34. Susan says:

    Dear Diane,

    I have just started your book and am having trouble putting it down. I have bumped into more than a few people while reading it on my Kindle and walking up from the subway. I now curse my short commute!

    I remember when I first got married to an African man more than fifteen years go, (I am a “white” jewish atheist) and we went to visit my Dad in Florida where he was staying for the winter. We went to a movie theatre and noticed that all the white people were on one side of the theatre and all the people of colour on the the other. I suggested we take our respective sides on the aisles of each section and then reach out so we could hold hands. I recently told my bi-racial daughter this story and told her that when she is old enough to marry and raise a family, there will be more mixed race people than not!. Maybe I am a little ahead of myself in my wishful timelines, but that day is coming. Will that then bring an end to this ridiculous racism or are my rose-coloured glasses pinching my brain?

    Susan

  35. Anonymous says:

    Your family is beautiful. Gorgeous gorgeous children. Happy and healthy, that’s it!

  36. Anonymous says:

    Dear Diane,

    What a wonderful article. Imagine me, a white German/Russian woman falling in love and marrying a first generation American Filipinio man in 1975. What a ride that was. Our bi-racial children were the most affected in their childhood and identified as white as their schoolmates were white. But now as adults they identify as Asian. His mother had the hardest time and really never accepted her black son-in-law and white daughters-in-law. But we all turned out just fine and lived an interesting life because of race.

    Peace to you and your family.

  37. Lena Song says:

    Diane~ thank you so much for writing this book. What a gift! I was so surprised to turn on the Today show & see you talking about this book, and what it’s about. I am a white American girl. I married a Korean guy several years ago, and have experienced wild extremes (good & bad) in learning about & dealing with Korean culture & family hierarchy. (My husband has lived here over 15 years, and yet in our home, it’s as if I moved to Korea ;) I am just excited for your voice to be heard on this topic of racism~and happy that someone who has encountered a culture with extremely cemented (& blindly obeyed) beliefs and hierarchies can tell her story with humor!! Thank you again for having the presence of mind to write your book~ I know it will be en encouragement to many experiencing similar situations. And hopefully it will be an eye-opener (or heart-opener) to people who can’t or won’t examine the fairness or integrity of their attitudes towards those who are “different” from their version of normal. Now I know that your book has a more noble purpose, in examining how we all look at others, or discriminate. But let me just tell you, this morning I was smiling like an idiot, staring in disbelief at you on the tv as you told of the challenges you encountered with your future Korean family. Harabogee (my father-in-law) was also watching, & when I explained what your book was about, he was noticeably less enthusiastic. ;) Here’s hoping your book will be read by my husband with an open mind!! It may be much easier for someone to really think about this from more of a distance~ when it’s a personal relationship, either side can be too self-centered & unyielding. THANK YOU for writing this, because I think it’ll let someone have an open mind by looking at stories from the outside~ rather than feeling like they have to defend & protect their “culture”, & whatever oppressions come with that.

  38. Beth says:

    Diane, this is great! I read a preview of your book and can’t wait to read the whole thing. I am also “white” — and like you, do not own pearls, a knee-length skirt, and have never been to any kind of derby… I have been married to a Mexican-American for 13 years — the first Thanksgiving I spent with my in-laws, I asked for pepper. My mother-in-law hadn’t put it out because she was worried that it didn’t match the salt shaker she had! My husband just said, “Mom, she was just raised in the midwest — not in a castle!” Hope your book tour will reach Phoenix sometime!

  39. Diane Farr says:

    you make some really honest and effacing comments yourself CW!

  40. CW says:

    I’ve just read your book. I enjoyed it very much. Like your husband, I am a Korean-American man who came over here when I was three. I lost my Korean early, and don’t speak a word of it, but I have shadowy memories, and I think your take on Korean culture is spot on. Your discussion about the various names that members of a family call each other was great, particularly because the practice shows the good and the bad side of Korean culture. The naming conventions are welcoming because they place one into a family, but one must then accept the hierarchy. I don’t mind the age hierarchy so much, but the gender hierarchy is something that I hope is changing. Koreans tend to be overly polite, but in cultures that are overly polite, it is easier to be insulting. Koreans can discriminate against others, but I have yet to find the racist and genocidal attitudes that one finds in certain white subcultures. Good book. Thank you very much.

  41. Diane Farr says:

    well Philip Lee – I can just retire now after reading this post. Seriously. Tomorrow morning I will go on the Today show and tell the story of why I wrote the book and one of the couples in KOTL (Lisa and Dave – chapter two) will join me and I really thought this appearance on a morning talk show might accomplish what I have been hoping to do since I began writing the book three years ago. But after reading this post – it’s all gravy because you just did it for me.
    To share my own private motivations – I didn’t really write this book for all the people who are already in an interracial marriage. yes I thought and hoped that they might enjoy it, but really I wrote the work for their parents. My goal was to lay out all of the choices any parent or any member of a possible interracial marriage has before them – so that they might make choices that lead to better relationships with their kids in the future. Choices that allow parents to continue to love and nurture their kids, and put all that energy we all have so much of when we have babies. When our children don’t talk back or drive cars or chose careers or countries to live in or people to love that aren’t exactly what we imagined for them. I wanted to write a book that enabled people to put their love for their child ahead of what they fear for their child. And you saying that reading the stories within have done that for you, actually made me tear up while reading your post. Thank you so much. Thank you to you too.

  42. Philip Lee says:

    I just finished reading your book. I bought the book from Amazon.com after reading a short article in Joong Ang Daily, a Korean language newspaper. I am neither an interracial couple nor an offspring of interracial marriage. I am a “pure” Korean who came to this country almost three decades ago. But I have two grownup children and I am always wondering to what extent my wife (also Korean) and I are acculaturated to the notion of interracial marriage of our own two kids. Recently we realized that my daughter (younger kid) is dating a young man whose racial background is half Chinese, quarter Japanese, and quarter Hawaiian native (does this add up to one whole?). According to my daughter he can get by any ethnic identification like Chinese, Japanese, Korean, an any combination of those plus ten more. Ironically he only speaks English so he can pretend to be any ethnic background. He is willing to learn Korean first if relationship with my daugther will ever work out and he will choose to be a Korean (of course, half jokingly). Reading your book with laughs and tears did widen my horizon tremendously with respect to the interracial issue in America. Now I can accept any race and any person if my two kids would choose their significant second halves based on true love and genuine humanity. My next task is to educate my more stubborn ethnocentric wife (don’t hell her!) by letting her read your book. I thank you for your wonderful book and I will eagerly wait for your next book. Kudos to you and your lovely family! The family photos as inserts in the book melt my stress away whenever I look at them. Gam Sa Ham Ni Da!!!

  43. Diane Farr says:

    I wish you so much peace and patience with your path kaitlin. Thanks for writing and enjoy South Korea. I think it is an awesome place. df

  44. Robert Mac says:

    I haven’t gotten to read your book yet, but want to thank you for helping expose us to the fact that we are still a society struggling with racism. I have been married to my lovely Korean wife for almost 27 years and have seen and experienced the overt and covert racism that is directed at interracial relationships. Thankfully, both my wife’s and my family were accepting of our relationship. I am an educator and when my students find out about my interracial marriage, I am able to use those opportunities to try and stamp out as many of the stereotypes and biased thinking that I can. I can’t wait to get hold of your book and see what I can use in teaching our young people about what others have experienced in dealing with racism. Thanks!

  45. Melinda says:

    Good Questions
    1. I believe the book was written for more than one reason.
    2. I enjoyed reading the stories of the other couples and was saddened but not surprised to read that many had separated. In several stories the people indicated feeling alienated from there family/culture and marrying someone of a different background can be a manifestation of such feelings. But expecting another person to fill our holes rarely works.
    3. Wealth+Fame=Power I’m glad to see it being used for such a book. The second mention is for my husband, that people will know I am with him for no other reason than He is a wonderful man!

  46. Kaitlin M. says:

    I’ll be honest; before today I had never heard of you or your book, but one of my friends posted a link to your piece you wrote for CNN, and after that, I began an internet search and cannot wait until I have a copy of your book in my hands. I’m a Caucasian American girl living in South Korea and just about every relationship I’ve ever had has been interracial. I’m currently in a relationship with a Vietnamese man and the language we communicate in is Korean. The language barrier alone raises a lot of eyebrows around us. We haven’t been together for very long, but it has been very hard for us. We’re both minorities in Korea, and we both face a lot of prejudices on a daily basis; as a Southeast Asian my boyfriend faces much worse examples of racism than I do here. Sometimes the outside criticism is so strong that we find ourselves repeating some of it on our bad days, but so far we’ve gotten through those moments. I feel very blessed to have extremely supporting, open, and loving parents, and I’m hoping that my boyfriend’s parents will be as accepting of me when I have the chance to meet them. I hope I can secure a copy of your book soon ( I’ve loved everything I’ve read in the preview pages), and I want to thank you for being so open and sharing your personal story, and for writing a book on this subject. Thank you.

  47. Julie C. says:

    I really did laugh and cry and stay up all night reading your book. what a brave subject that you made so human with your personal story. Great read.

  48. Diane Farr says:

    Thanks for your note Melinda. So glad to hear about your marriage. You didn’t read my entire book and believe I wrote it just to talk about my own situation, did you? There is a slightly bigger discussion about America and family and what we teach our children in this country about how and who we value. I’m hoping some of that also came through, along with a double mention of wealth and fame. df

  49. Melinda says:

    My sweet sweet Asian American husband brought this book home from the library for me. (As he often does when he sees something I might like) After reading it, I can only say- Get thee to a therapist so these needy neuroses don’t rub off on the children. Marrying a 6′ 2″ American of Asian decent and living in SoCal in the 21st century (while being well off and a celebrity) is not the roughest road anyone ever walked. I have dated/been married to my husband for over 20 years. He is 9 inches shorter than me. You want to know the measure of a man? This guy is 5′ 3″ , married to a 6′ blond and supports me in whatever I want to do, because he knows (and I know) I ain’t goin’ nowhere! (and no he’s not wealthy or famous) We all have to get over ourselves, for we are not the most important person in the world.

  50. Don's mom says:

    I didn’t sleep for two nights because I just couldn’t put this book down. I am married to a man of the same race as me but it was just your way of storytelling – and perhaps my fear for all the couples you write about that kept me going and going both nights until I finished this joyous read. As they say: I laughed and I cried. Thank you for allowing me both of those emotions and for finding a positive way to share all the information. I really loved your book.