And when I say my children’s teeth, I mean mine.
The whole world was anxiously awaiting your arrival! And not just because you might become the king of England – when you are well past retirement age and those other two kings in front of you are done with their reigns – but rather because we are all so filled with hope to have a new Prince Charming.
Please don’t be insulted that the world is expecting you to be charming. No one outside of your great grandmother’s palace has any real understanding of what an actual prince is actually supposed to do, especially in this day and age.
But in addition to new emotional states, there are also many jobs that you must master as a parent that are not so clearly advertised.
When PBS recently aired Seeking Asian Female, a documentary about a “mail-order” marriage initiated on the Internet between a middle-aged Caucasian man and a young Chinese mainland woman, the resulting media coverage sparked a heated online debate among critics and viewers about sexual fetishes, racial power dynamics, and what the motivations behind a pairing might be.
So how thrilled was I to get an invite to a 40th birthday with 8 other couples, sans their kids and mine, in a pretty city none of us live in to stay in a rented McMansion. Ah, to dream of three long days of eating more than just what is left on the kitchen counter. And the chance to sleep past 6:45am.
I’ve put in much more than the 10,000 hours Malcolm Gladwell suggests would make you an expert in any field – including the field of job interviewing – so perhaps my fellow underemployed Americans would appreciate a professional actor’s (read: continual interviewee’s) tips about keeping your confidence intact when hustling for work, as auditions are tougher than you might think.
An audition is actually the delivery of a full performance – without the benefit of props, costume, professional hair styling or make up. Or pay. It also must be delivered while balancing ten pages of script and seeming like your not just pretending while you are performing alongside someone who is just pretending as they just a hired “reader.” All this is done in front of a firing squad of hiring types who openly judge me as I pour my heart out with someone else’s words – which could easily crush your confidence.
Yet, that is not the spirit crushing part of my job interview. That’s just the “art” part.
Diane Farr has never had a problem hanging with the boys, whether that be on Loveline, The Job, Rescue Me, orCalifornication. So it’s somehow fitting that she’s broughtAssCastles to Funny or Die. For each installment, she takes a tour of a real “AssCastle” — that’s any home with three or more bedrooms that a man resides in without a wife or children and maintains for the sole purpose of “pulling down ass.” She walks through the house with the owner, who takes her through his rap (which room he starts in, which room he puts his best shine on, which room he closes). She then scripts the video based on the highlights of that experience and returns to the AssCastle to recreate them with an actor, who assumes the role of the bachelor. The first installment, embedded below, begins with the claim that Farr and her team added only one thing to the mix.