well, Emilie,
you are kind of making me rethink my comment. I am coming to believe I made a generalization. Actually, I think I was aware I was making a generalization, you are just making me aware of how insulting it could be to those that don’t fit under the generalization. Thank you for your openness, and for sharing your experience and for loving the book despite the insulting comment. I really appreciate you writing. Diane
In response to your response I just want to say for the record:
I am a devout Mormon. I am a lifelong and very active member. I love and engage with members of all other faiths. I love spending time with others of differing opinions than mine. I love to learn about others and teach my children about other faiths. Each Christmas we review how other belief systems celebrate and participate in many of their traditions to make our holiday one of learning and acceptance. I have very close friends who are catholic, atheist, jewish, etc.
I feel that the word “devout” can be used to describe my commitment to my faith, but does not necessarily mean that those who have chosen a religion for themselves also choose to exclude learnings, teaching and principles of other faiths.
I have recommended your book to many friends and did truly enjoy it.
I am a 22-year-old Australian girl and I have been going out with my Vietnamese-Australian boyfriend for a year now.
I have to admit, when I first met J, I didn’t even notice that he was Asian. I fell in love with him because he was kind, and gentle, and generous and he made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman on the planet.
But I can’t shake that feeling that I’ll never be good enough for his family – because I’m not the Vietnamese girl they envisioned their son to be with.
Your book has legitimised my feelings of exclusion, and of worry, and of judgement. It has made me realise that my relationship is just that – my own. They way you comment on how society says that we deserve the same education, and real estate, and friendship, but not love, opened my eyes to a whole new level of understanding.
We may have an ocean that separates us, and 15 years of experience, but I feel that I can relate your story better than anybody else I have ever come across.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.
I am currently reading KOTL and am amazed at how much it has moved me. I’ve never been one to highlight passages in books, but with yours I can’t seem to stop! There’s so much I want to share with my husband, family and friends.
I am white and my husband is Korean (born in America and has never even visited Korea). His parents and sister were not accepting of our relationship. My parents, sisters and grandparents (including the grandfather who fought in the Korean War) welcomed him with open arms.
We now have 2 beautiful children (3 and 5) and have started fielding questions about my husbands family. Our children understand that they are half Korean and half Caucasian. My daughter (3) said to me at one point that she loves daddy more because she is dark like him and her brother probably loves me more because he is light like me. I used this as a starting point for discussions of how we love everyone regardless of how they look. However, I realized that she has little reference for this in regards to her father’s family who has never set eyes on her and don’t seem to want to. It breaks my heart for my husband to have to deal with this distance for himself, but now we are trying to figure out how to explain it to our children without “coloring” their feelings towards one half of their culture. I look forward to your next book and hope that it will look at these issues and how people overcome them.
Thank you for putting your family and your relationship out there for the rest of us. It does make one feel less alone in it all.
Thank you thank you thank you for writing this book! My boyfriend is a Cambodian refugee and I am an East Coast raised white mutt. Unfortunately, Western society hasn’t always been kind to Asian males (even Jeremy Lin isn’t immune!) and we have seen the dirty looks from strangers. However, we have surrounded ourselves with awesome friends, and the majority of our family members are happy as long as we’re happy (the small minority live on the other side of the country, so thankfully that’s not too big of a deal). After reading what some of the couples you talked to have been through, I am even more grateful, if that was even possible, for the tolerance and love that people around us have shown.
I read this two weeks before meeting my boyfriend’s parents at a Cambodian wedding reception, and once I started reading about you learning about Korean culture, I realized I had some major work to do. I am relatively sure I drove my boyfriend absolutely crazy with my never-ending questions, which ranged from “How do I greet them? Do I do the head bow and say hello in Cambodian, or will they think I’m crazy?” to “Are they going to expect me to do something that I don’t know about yet?” to the inevitable “What am I supposed to wear?!” Anything that my boyfriend didn’t know was answered by his aunt, who is married to a French man and knows all too well what it’s like to be in an interracial marriage in this country. I am happy to report that the wedding reception was a blast and on the last day that his family was here, his dad told me that there are many nationalities in his family and he would be happy to have me as a daughter-in-law. If I hadn’t read the book and asked so many questions, I don’t know if the outcome would have been the same.
Also, I read the majority of the book in one sitting while eating wasabi peas. My wasabi tolerance is now through the roof, which is awesome, because I had a cold while my boyfriend’s family was here and his dad’s cure for a stuffy nose is…wasabi. Haha.
Again, thank you so much, and I can’t wait for your next book!
Ah Marissa, these notes make the years of sitting in a dark room and pouring all my worst fears into a computer totally worth it. Thank you for reading my book and sharing your experience here. I wish you peace on your journey with The Giant Chinese Guy With The Black Guy’s Name. (he sounds super interesting already)
ah, this email literally made my day. Not all of the content, mind you, but that you wrote it. That you found comfort in my work. I also commend you for fighting for love, even when no love was displayed towards you from people that never bothered to get to know you. And I will share with you that family can be chosen, and often, for the betterment of young kids. The women I called my Aunts who were “just” my parents friends, are still a bigger influence on me today than most of the aunts that were present solely due to dna.
Much love to all of your lucky family.
I don’t know where to start other than to thank you for sharing your story and writing such a funny, endearing and poignant book about your experiences. There isn’t another book about interracial relationships (at least to my knowledge) that provides such a moving first-hand account about all of the emotions involved when you choose an interracial marriage.
I ordered Kissing Outside the Lines from Amazon last July. I was in tears by page 27. Not so much because your story had brought me there (yet) but because it brought to the surface all of my feelings about my own relationship that I suppress on a daily basis. I am not one to write ‘fan’ letters to actors or authors but I immediately thought, “I need to tell her how much her book affected me.”
Then life happened, your book got put to the side (unfinished) and no letter was written. It wasn’t until today, six months later, that I was finally able to finish the book. All over again, I had tears in my eyes and once again insisted to myself that I needed to write.
One thing I learned from your book is that although my experience is my own, it is not unique. Somehow that provides me with a certain sense of belonging AND anger that I’m not sure I’ve ever felt or acknowledged before.
My husband and I met our first day of college. We were five months into our relationship before he was able to admit to me, what Seung admitted to you fairly early in your relationship, that his parents were going to have an issue with it. We persevered through the next seven months, but ultimately broke up because the intense pressure from his family was too much. It took seven years apart for him to realize that he had the courage and strength to stand-up to his family and accept what he knew would be the inevitable outcome of his decision to be with me.
Not a positive word has been said between my husband and his parents since were engaged ten years ago; and in fact not a word has been spoken between them since our wedding day eight years ago. Neither his parents nor his extended family came to our wedding, and no attempt to contact one another has been made on either side since.
We now have a funny, smart and beautiful 2 ½ -year-old daughter whom they have never met. Whereas I used to encourage my husband to reach out to his family, I am now thankful for the estrangement. As a mother I want to protect her from the harsh realities of the world as long as I can; and I find it difficult to believe that given the way they feel about me, they could feel any differently about her.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and best wishes to you and your (gorgeous!) family.
well, Emilie,
you are kind of making me rethink my comment. I am coming to believe I made a generalization. Actually, I think I was aware I was making a generalization, you are just making me aware of how insulting it could be to those that don’t fit under the generalization. Thank you for your openness, and for sharing your experience and for loving the book despite the insulting comment. I really appreciate you writing. Diane
Diane,
In response to your response I just want to say for the record:
I am a devout Mormon. I am a lifelong and very active member. I love and engage with members of all other faiths. I love spending time with others of differing opinions than mine. I love to learn about others and teach my children about other faiths. Each Christmas we review how other belief systems celebrate and participate in many of their traditions to make our holiday one of learning and acceptance. I have very close friends who are catholic, atheist, jewish, etc.
I feel that the word “devout” can be used to describe my commitment to my faith, but does not necessarily mean that those who have chosen a religion for themselves also choose to exclude learnings, teaching and principles of other faiths.
I have recommended your book to many friends and did truly enjoy it.
Dear Diane,
I am a 22-year-old Australian girl and I have been going out with my Vietnamese-Australian boyfriend for a year now.
I have to admit, when I first met J, I didn’t even notice that he was Asian. I fell in love with him because he was kind, and gentle, and generous and he made me feel like I was the most beautiful woman on the planet.
But I can’t shake that feeling that I’ll never be good enough for his family – because I’m not the Vietnamese girl they envisioned their son to be with.
Your book has legitimised my feelings of exclusion, and of worry, and of judgement. It has made me realise that my relationship is just that – my own. They way you comment on how society says that we deserve the same education, and real estate, and friendship, but not love, opened my eyes to a whole new level of understanding.
We may have an ocean that separates us, and 15 years of experience, but I feel that I can relate your story better than anybody else I have ever come across.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.
Dear Diane,
I am currently reading KOTL and am amazed at how much it has moved me. I’ve never been one to highlight passages in books, but with yours I can’t seem to stop! There’s so much I want to share with my husband, family and friends.
I am white and my husband is Korean (born in America and has never even visited Korea). His parents and sister were not accepting of our relationship. My parents, sisters and grandparents (including the grandfather who fought in the Korean War) welcomed him with open arms.
We now have 2 beautiful children (3 and 5) and have started fielding questions about my husbands family. Our children understand that they are half Korean and half Caucasian. My daughter (3) said to me at one point that she loves daddy more because she is dark like him and her brother probably loves me more because he is light like me. I used this as a starting point for discussions of how we love everyone regardless of how they look. However, I realized that she has little reference for this in regards to her father’s family who has never set eyes on her and don’t seem to want to. It breaks my heart for my husband to have to deal with this distance for himself, but now we are trying to figure out how to explain it to our children without “coloring” their feelings towards one half of their culture. I look forward to your next book and hope that it will look at these issues and how people overcome them.
Thank you for putting your family and your relationship out there for the rest of us. It does make one feel less alone in it all.
Hi Diane!
Thank you thank you thank you for writing this book! My boyfriend is a Cambodian refugee and I am an East Coast raised white mutt. Unfortunately, Western society hasn’t always been kind to Asian males (even Jeremy Lin isn’t immune!) and we have seen the dirty looks from strangers. However, we have surrounded ourselves with awesome friends, and the majority of our family members are happy as long as we’re happy (the small minority live on the other side of the country, so thankfully that’s not too big of a deal). After reading what some of the couples you talked to have been through, I am even more grateful, if that was even possible, for the tolerance and love that people around us have shown.
I read this two weeks before meeting my boyfriend’s parents at a Cambodian wedding reception, and once I started reading about you learning about Korean culture, I realized I had some major work to do. I am relatively sure I drove my boyfriend absolutely crazy with my never-ending questions, which ranged from “How do I greet them? Do I do the head bow and say hello in Cambodian, or will they think I’m crazy?” to “Are they going to expect me to do something that I don’t know about yet?” to the inevitable “What am I supposed to wear?!” Anything that my boyfriend didn’t know was answered by his aunt, who is married to a French man and knows all too well what it’s like to be in an interracial marriage in this country. I am happy to report that the wedding reception was a blast and on the last day that his family was here, his dad told me that there are many nationalities in his family and he would be happy to have me as a daughter-in-law. If I hadn’t read the book and asked so many questions, I don’t know if the outcome would have been the same.
Also, I read the majority of the book in one sitting while eating wasabi peas. My wasabi tolerance is now through the roof, which is awesome, because I had a cold while my boyfriend’s family was here and his dad’s cure for a stuffy nose is…wasabi. Haha.
Again, thank you so much, and I can’t wait for your next book!
Ah Marissa, these notes make the years of sitting in a dark room and pouring all my worst fears into a computer totally worth it. Thank you for reading my book and sharing your experience here. I wish you peace on your journey with The Giant Chinese Guy With The Black Guy’s Name. (he sounds super interesting already)
ah, this email literally made my day. Not all of the content, mind you, but that you wrote it. That you found comfort in my work. I also commend you for fighting for love, even when no love was displayed towards you from people that never bothered to get to know you. And I will share with you that family can be chosen, and often, for the betterment of young kids. The women I called my Aunts who were “just” my parents friends, are still a bigger influence on me today than most of the aunts that were present solely due to dna.
Much love to all of your lucky family.
Dear Diane,
I don’t know where to start other than to thank you for sharing your story and writing such a funny, endearing and poignant book about your experiences. There isn’t another book about interracial relationships (at least to my knowledge) that provides such a moving first-hand account about all of the emotions involved when you choose an interracial marriage.
I ordered Kissing Outside the Lines from Amazon last July. I was in tears by page 27. Not so much because your story had brought me there (yet) but because it brought to the surface all of my feelings about my own relationship that I suppress on a daily basis. I am not one to write ‘fan’ letters to actors or authors but I immediately thought, “I need to tell her how much her book affected me.”
Then life happened, your book got put to the side (unfinished) and no letter was written. It wasn’t until today, six months later, that I was finally able to finish the book. All over again, I had tears in my eyes and once again insisted to myself that I needed to write.
One thing I learned from your book is that although my experience is my own, it is not unique. Somehow that provides me with a certain sense of belonging AND anger that I’m not sure I’ve ever felt or acknowledged before.
My husband and I met our first day of college. We were five months into our relationship before he was able to admit to me, what Seung admitted to you fairly early in your relationship, that his parents were going to have an issue with it. We persevered through the next seven months, but ultimately broke up because the intense pressure from his family was too much. It took seven years apart for him to realize that he had the courage and strength to stand-up to his family and accept what he knew would be the inevitable outcome of his decision to be with me.
Not a positive word has been said between my husband and his parents since were engaged ten years ago; and in fact not a word has been spoken between them since our wedding day eight years ago. Neither his parents nor his extended family came to our wedding, and no attempt to contact one another has been made on either side since.
We now have a funny, smart and beautiful 2 ½ -year-old daughter whom they have never met. Whereas I used to encourage my husband to reach out to his family, I am now thankful for the estrangement. As a mother I want to protect her from the harsh realities of the world as long as I can; and I find it difficult to believe that given the way they feel about me, they could feel any differently about her.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and best wishes to you and your (gorgeous!) family.