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Two hundred and fifty dollars a month I pay for cable channels that I never watch because of the one or two I love.  That is on televisions in my house that I rarely watch either – which each need their own cable box.  Cable boxes that sometimes erupt with noise in the middle of the night causing me to jump out of bed worried an animal is under my dresser.  But not for long!

Beside the possibility of causing bodily harm while running around my bedroom in the dark, that’s also over $3000 a year paid to the people at the cable company – who also don’t seem to believe in customer service.

“Oh your cable is not working – try unplugging it.”

Yes, m’am, since I am over 9 years old and allowed to plug into outlets, I already tried that.

“Did you leave it off for a full sixty seconds?”

Expletive in my head. Expletive in my head.  Expletive barely under my breath.

“Well then we will send someone out to look at your cable box next Thursday between 7am and 5pm.”

That’s fine. Because the cable being out kinda falls under a “family emergency” so I’m sure my boss won’t mind if I don’t go to work for an entire day.  And my children can just be bored for 5 hours waiting here with me – with no TV – while we all wait on you.  And I don’t have a life or anything so Thursday it is!  But will you still be charging me for cable between now and then since I don’t have any currently?

Oh yes she would.  But not for long.  Thanks to CBS and Hbo and all their contemporaries who are surely not far behind, I’m about to buy my networks by the channel for less than $10 a month.  Since HBO and CBS announced streaming available immediately and in the near future – on any computer or handheld device – many Americans started dreaming of ripping those white wires right out of the middle of the wall where the design-challenged cable man put it.

Besides the decorating upgrade, that also means an annual windfall of cash is coming. Even if I buy 4 or five channels for roughly six bucks each, thats a savings of $2500 – on the fifteen channels that I don’t watch.

Oh yes, times are a changing said either George in the Jetsons or Clevon Little in Blazing Saddles.  Both of which I can watch on demand right now with everything else I see on Netflix. Even if I chose to buy the occasional movie on iTunes without any cable TV, I can budget $500 a year for fifty movies and still have $2000 left for me.

Leaving me enough cash to host an awesome Bachelorette party when one of those guys makes it to the final rose ceremony or even buy illicit drugs if I throw a Breaking Bad party to revere Walter once more.

And the rest of the money I think I may use to buy some art for my walls where the TV’s used to ruin them.  I can’t wait to hear my kids laugh about how we all used to sit in one room together and watch TV when we were told to.

Even though those gatherings were so nice. Maybe I will earmark a little of that money, to buy some board games.  So my family can still gather around something without paying through the nose for it.

  1. Nicole Baugh on Tuesday 18, 2014

    Thanks to Mom, we don’t have HBO, Cinemax, Showtime, Starz, and TMC (The Movie Channel). Mom had to cut them out (we’re on a budget). We have DirectTV and we missed out phenomenal shows. It’s alright. We can always go to Netflix and Redbox. :)

  2. Lin Savory on Tuesday 18, 2014

    I absolutely love this, so many of my friends complain about the cost of cable and the lack of service, and on and on and you have said it perfectly and deserve a medal! Netflix should pay you to put this on a bill board in every major city and run it on prime time. The black hole of cable needs to end! Thanks for being so in your face, I like people that tell it like it is. I love your mixed family and your passion for commitment and your kids are beautiful.

  3. Alan P on Tuesday 18, 2014

    What is red box

  4. a is for Gwenny's kid on Tuesday 18, 2014

    We can’t afford cable so this is going to be great when everything is sold one at a time

  5. R. Bictoni on Tuesday 18, 2014

    Do you think this might make all cable outlets as good as HBO when everyone just wants to buy them? We have Netflix on our computer and watch nothing else now

  6. Frankie P on Tuesday 18, 2014

    We watch you on every channel Diane!

  7. hu Chuan on Tuesday 18, 2014

    Hello Diane, I have read your book Kissing Outside The Lines and The Girl Code and I am a very big fan. I am a writer myself and am hoping I can write to you personally to ask questions.
    Thank you

  8. estetician Ellen on Tuesday 18, 2014

    we both know someone who is going to be very upset by all of this!!

  9. jkc on Tuesday 18, 2014

    Such a good point Diane thank you for your column

  10. Numb3rs Movie on Tuesday 18, 2014

    Hi Diane we miss Numb3rs bring it back!