Yet Elin barely spoke of her own loss. She mostly used her on-air time to address what she’s been accused of. Saying she didn’t beat her husband with his clubs last November (although I was hoping she did for the iron-y,) that she did not know he was sleeping around and that all the money she has “gotten” in divorce can’t buy happiness.
Why does the wife and mother in Tiger’s lecherous tale need to defend herself? Elin’s humility inspired me to check how the public is feeling about the world’s most downgraded golfer. A poll by Harris Interactive tallied thousands of online fans to find the most popular male sports figure today is a tie between Tiger Woods and Kobe Bryant. Meanwhile, a Forbes Magazine poll of the most hated sports stars tallied Michael “dog killa” Vick at No. 1.
So, America is incensed when dogs are treated horribly but not when women are? It’s just the way the cookie (or marriage) crumbles?
And don’t misunderstand which women I’m concerned about. It’s not those being paid for their indiscretions with a married guy — whether it be cash for the sex, or a payment from a magazine that glorifies their “ability” to lay down, or a reality TV show that glamorizes their short-sighted choices. Or those making bank on the newest form of sexual climax: the money made in a legal settlement to keep the details of your “private affair” private. No, I’m not cheerleading those working girls. I’m concerned for the women Tiger, Kobe, Lawrence Taylor and even coach Rick Pitino made a vow to honor before friends, family, state and God: their wives. Because their graceful silence feels like it’s being perceived as an omission of guilt.
Do we believe that wives of rich and famous men have led a monetarily comfortable life and therefore should be allowed no other respect? That these pretty ladies “knew what they were in for” when they married someone in the spotlight so, tough noogies? If so, should we all just collectively embrace “The Great Gatsby” theory that women should be beautiful and foolish and get on with it?
This summation felt a little Gloria Steinem-ish even to me until I discovered that the poll in which Kobe and Tiger tied in popularity breaks down those queried to show Tiger’s biggest supporters are men and Kobe’s are women — which made me curse Daisy Buchanan aloud.
I lived in Los Angeles during Kobe’s “almost” rape trial. Many former fans and I gave away Lakers tickets as if they were stamps because we wouldn’t support a man or a franchise that used their resources to secure “a hall pass” from a sexual assault case — delaying it (to play ball) until it fell apart. But a few wins, I mean years, later and all Kobe is remembered for now is his commitment on the court.
I get that Woods and Bryant have achieved epic things in their field and a sports fan might revere them for just that and forgive all else. However, the most despised player in these polls, Michael Vick, did not break a promise to his wife and yet was arrested, bankrupted, demonized and dissolved as player for a few years — and forever as a person.
In comparison, the lack of accountably when harming women mentally or physically feels unsettling. But it becomes truly disturbing when you consider that both Vick’s dogs and Woods’ paramours have their own TV shows and have garnered much more attention and, because of their following, seemingly more support than the good girl Elin Nordegren who is not looking for a narcissistic rise to fame via her bedroom and, therefore, may be nothing more than last week’s news forever more.
(Diane Farr is known for her roles in “Californication,” “Numb3rs” and “Rescue Me,” and as the author of “The Girl Code.” You can read her blog at getdianefarr.com, follow her on twitter.com/getdianefarr or contact her on facebook.com/getdianefarr.)
COPYRIGHT © 2010 DIANE FARR
DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES, INC.
This is why I’m not a sports fan because of how people continously feed the egos of these athletes before and after they’ve done something wrong. Athletes are treated like gods and its just wrong. So your article hit the bullseye and showed that no one cares anymore about all the women that are wronged one way or another by men who think they are above everyone else just because they get paid millions of dollars a year to play professional sports.
Elin will be alright. She’s one strong woman. Tiger, how could you?
Hey Nicole – this whole article was inspired by you and all the stats you sent me!
I agree Tara but must say at least athletes have a skill. The attention paid to actors or holy moly reality people really really annoys me.
I do think that women who marry famous athletes know what they are buying into and should not scream woe is me when they have to admit it becasue it’s become public.
So do i.
I have to say I have always felt you know if you are with a cheater or not and sometimes you do it anyway but I like the point of this that maybe that doesn’t make it ok to write these women off. I felt bad for Elin too.
Hey – Penelope, Peter, Paul (hope you really are three people who all thought this) – i couldn’t agree more! Thank for jumping in there.
Elin is hot. she will be married again in no time.
Diane- Right on with the reality “Star” commentary… It exhausts me to think these talentless performers are making bank because they are annoying… Where true actors like you work your ass off to get ahead. As far as the comparison between Tiger and Michael Vick, Michael Vick abused defenseless animals, and KILLED them…. He should not have been allowed to return to the NFL…. Nor should have Ray Lewis etc…. Tiger is a Scum Bag and so is Kobe… But as long as they win and bring Championships to their Country( USA Basketball and Ryder Cup) people will forgive their indescretions….
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Wallace Neslund, Don and Navi Rawat, Diane Farr. Diane Farr said: my latest column is up!!! http://getdianefarr.com/2010/09/17/where-have-all-the-good-girls-gone/ [...]
Why, thank you, Diane!
As always, a well thought out and well written article. Couple of thoughts came to mind while I was reading it.
The first was that I do not understand how sports stars, regardless of the sport, are put on such a pedestal. Yes, they have an amazing talent however, what real benefit do they (and stars from entertainment – dont get me started on “reality tv stars”.. ugh) bring to society? Does the money they earn truly reflect their worth?
The second was, regardless of who you marry, or choose to live your life with as a partner, surely the whole point of this partnership is to share a life together. Both people deserve to be in a relationship with trust and respect. The “status” of one of the partners, or the looks of the other are irrelevant.
As a society are we really that shallow to afford status and respect to people because of such meaningless feats?
I need to stop watching “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”. I just can’t believe many people watch this crap. Now, they’re in the 5th season. When will the madness end?
oh mr. pringle, you restore my faith in humanity all the time. thanks for posting. df
this is your best one yet. the fact that vick is #1 on the list is mindblowing. rapists, cheaters and/or men who don’t pay child support on the many children they’ve fathered are still held on a pedastol as long as they play good ball. what does that say about how our culture views women? we’re below dogs. depressing. and yes, elin is a class act.
At least Vick payed his debt to society and has been forced to make amends for animal cruelty. Tiger and Kobe……not so much
Hello Diane. After reading your blog it made me think back to Kobe. I was on my way back from vacation in Houston when the news broke and it was all over the tvs in the airport. All I could think was no way, I was crushed, being a Kobe fan. The trial was hell but I was worried not for the Lakers but Kobe Himself. The evidence was weak and I thought it was more black mand and young white girl in white bread city in Colorado. What Kobe did was wrong but as of now, having an affair is not a “crime”. Michael Vick was part of an “illegal” dog fighting ring and killing of dogs. Tiger Woods is just an idiot.You marry a beautiful model and have kids and then you sleep with many women with half her class. I’m a single male and I was raised in a Chinese household and were raised to respect all. I hope this makes some sense. Htey all did wrong and My thoughts about these people will never be as it was. You only live once and being good and doing right is the only way.
Fantastic column! Wow, we hold an accused rapist and a serial cheater in higher esteem than an animal abuser. We also allow bimbos to become media darlings and mistresses to get paid for their stories! How do we explain rewarding that type of sleazy, immoral and narcissistic behavior to kids who are supposed to be learning that to do the right thing is to be rewarded and to do the wrong is to get punished!!
Hopefully this article will make people think… Especially the part about glorifying those ridiculous Reality Stars!
Feel the love Sarah Ruf. thank you df
and probably won’t ever! Thanks Karin. DF
I’m glad my sweetheart isn’t an athlete. He’s a nice, sweet Korean man.
Too many times men forget that they are not God’s gift to women, but Women are god’s gift to them.
[...] my latest column is up!!! http://getdianefarr.com/2010/09/17/where-have-all-the-good-girls-gone/ [...]
Great post! Maybe you could do a follow up to this topic
Corrine
Maybe the most interesting topic that I have read this week!!
-Fondest regards,
Eli
Hello Diane, Sorry this is long but I have been researching this topic since I got into preventive medicine in 1975 as why society’s value system is misconstrued and how to bring us back to ” Sanity”
I am not a TV watcher nor am I Newspaper person ( just the facts on line quick updates is what I do) so was not aware of you !
I appreciate this column you wrote ! I happened upon it as my neighbor gave me the Sunday 9/19/10 paper as the Naples Daily News ( Naples Fl) had been running a series of front page articles on a very sad domestic violence situation our community experienced a year ago that weekend and I wanted to physical record of their stories… Skimming through the entertainment section of the NDN I read your column..
What Tiger did was Domestic Violence. While it does not appear as such.. Cheating on your wife etc.. It is the type of behavior that proceeds more violent types of behavior.. My research proves that Domestic Violence is at the base of all addictions, depressions, dysfunctions, unhappiness, criminal behaviors, sexual aggressions/attacks etc and of course the worse of the worse… murder…
Vick’s behavior is yes of the DV syndrome but way down the totem pole of the seriousness of DV in our lives today. Though Vick killed animals ( many kids living on farms have ” pets” who are slaughtered),
he was not intentionally trying to destroy another person who he is suppose to love, honor and cherish.. Dr Phil has made this season of his TV show devoted to exposing the epidemic of DV in our society today… Mental, emotional, verbal, financial Domestic Violence is much worst then the physical and is rampant amongst men needing to control their worlds and lives…( yes women do this too but not to such a great extent as the men and not as manipulative or forcefully)
This sort of invisible DV is very subtle but very destructive. Men got the ” word” in Clinton Administration in 1990′s… They get locked up for physical DV… so they have taken it to the next level… which is to twist and distort a woman’s ( or person… some men and especially any gender young adults/children are victims of this ) reality and life… so person is kept in constant state of spin and confusion….which keeps her not just dependent but more so from connecting the dots and seeing facing the reality…
A big part of this type of manipulation is the withholding what ever and then giving it. Whether it is withholding affection to $$ and then all of sudden showering the abused with what they want only to have it withdrawn again if they are not obedient etc…. This is how woman like Elin are kept in the dark… but this is happening to 1 in 4 woman or again especially young adults and children and few men…
So Diane, your column opens a a important dialogue for the “why” the allure of power goes to a person’s head? Interesting your column was written before the story broke on Bishop Long in Atlanta leading (like Tiger) a double life and like 80% of the adult male population is… ( Be proud of yourselves the males who have commented here…you are rare !) Power, money, manipulation has gone way beyond what the Wall Street character movie (now where Money Never Sleeps) Gekko”s need for self adulation and the greed of ” me” ” me”…
I think this is the difference between what Tiger did and Vicks did… Tiger’s manipulation was about ego of self adulation with all his mistresses… and Vick’s manipulation was more of just a release of anger and making $$.. I am hoping with CNN exposing the POPE for being a hypocrite to his religion with the fact he did not do anything in his previous position to save innocent children form sexual perverts who wore a collar….that this acceptance of Tiger and the Reverend in Atlanta for their sexual escapes will not be seen as ” Oh Well , they are human” and men have a need and this is their right etc but for the reality it really is which is Domestic Violence… Using Power and control over another human to force them to do what you want….
This is where Elin will get her vindication when Tiger is held up as a Domestic Violence Abuser not a sports star.
Now we get to the deeper aspects of Domestic Violence that needs national and global understanding and acknowledgement.
Tiger is a victim of DV himself by his father. Any child forced to live the life Tiger did as Kid by his father just to be winner for the glory of his father’s vain need for $$ and Power is a huge Domestic Violence Victim. Tiger learned it all from his father’s knee…. It is no secret Tiger’s father was a huge womanizer and man of gluttony due to Tiger’s success… Yet Nike runs a ad to try and save Tigers image with a message from his father ?? !!! NO WONDER OUR SOCIETY IS MESSED UP.. THE VALUES OF WHAT LIFE IS, HAVE DISAPPEARED..
For my part … I am #1 working on making Domestic Violence like MADD ( Mother’s Against Drunk Drivers) that got our laws changed ( took them a long time and much persistence) that we now have DUI’s and Substance Abuse is recognized as a addiction… Domestic Violence is a addiction and it is learned via generational thing… You only doing what a parent did to you etc… It has to stop…as Elin is alive… but she has had the ” life” sucked out of her… This is how 1 in 4 woman are living right now.. and again the young adults and children and few men… we need the #’s on but I am sure it is equal to the woman 1 in 4….
I am working towards making these advertisers ( and this includes the NFL and NBA etc as they are company and brand etc) who glorify these abusers as ” sports stars” to be accountable…
Nike especially has huge dues to pay towards Domestic Violence awareness as it is NIKE who started this whole sports star’s adulation etc… Mike Jordon.. they took right out of college and signed him to grand amounts of money… Mike Jordon played the game…with them… as of course he from a poor black community in Carolina’s and the allure of $$$’s is most seductive for any of us…
This whole marketing structure NIKE started began innocently enough.. NIKE just wanted to be the best… Competition in business started a 100 yrs ago with the industrialized world and is considered in USA as a good thing and yes NIKE had a excellent product that broke new ground on the Power of the ” Foot” in athletics !! All very cool ~~ Even more so Nike got men off the couch to be LIKE MIKE..
and got schools and colleges to take ” sports” ” athletics” ( which is excellent for health of a person) seriously.. giving them uniforms and support etc… It was all good….
Except now we are left with the fallout from this idolizing a ” sports Star” so can sell so much advertising and products they endorse etc
( again NIKE business model is the one who introduced ” branding” which is again a unique way of making money and NFL jumped right on it as did everyone else making them all MEGA rich)
Yet what appears to be excellent bus-i-ness (bust my ass) models actually has caused much of the distortions in our human value systems which your column “Where have all the Good Girls Gone ?” addresses, Diane. It is time to right this ship and make these companies who are making these sports figures have incredible surreal wealth and power accountable for their behavior as it just plain WRONG to idolize another in any religion or consciousness throughout the planet.. While Hollywood and Fashion started the adulation game that sports found it’s way into… The sports ( Mon and apple pie etc) has really pushed this sick way of living and being over the edge….
Lindsay Lohan a sweet very good child star now the witch from Hell…?? This is cool… NO… this is a very sick and disturbed girl who everyone ( her mother) is using for their own gain. IN Hollywood and ME-D-IAM, the self adulation with the incredible $$ of Power and control has distorted our society grandly…. and is rapidly destroying lives with it… First thing I told my son ( now 20 yrs) when the Reality Shows started is… This is NOT REALITY as all the people who are on any Reality Show are ” Exhibitionist” They are not mental stable as have this huge desire to show themselves off no matter what they ask to do !! Sex to eating worms etc… It is just blatant crass self adulation in which their sick behaviors only push them to be more ” sick”…
I think back to the days of the fashion industry when all the girls were sticks with anorexia and heroin use ran the show… I never understood it…
Why would people buy not only the magazines who showed woman looking like living in a drug stoned out world but also who could wear the clothes made for ” sticks’ ?
Why was fashion showing as the goal to be, was not in reality to be achieved much less not human and NOT HEALTHY yet people were memorized by this need to be someone they were not ~
This is what has happened with the ” Sports glitter” and the Me-D-IAM world… and so it now their turn to get the Wake Up Call… from everyday citizens and laws being changed and made to take away this false power of idealology… Like it use to be in Fashion industry…. Now in fashion anything goes….Fashion is no longer that selective where those who live unhealthy lifestyles. Fashion appears to have moved into a more positive direction of being advertised and shown in the light of not a ” look” so much as a ” lifestyle” that is healthy…
This is what has to happen to these other worlds like sports, hollywood and Me-d-iam that put people on the losing side of life…. as they are not living authentic lives in being present in real time… Everyone is a wanna be… as everyone wants the power and glory and $$ … All the sports stars are on Drugs to beef themselves up… legal and illegal… just as large portion in me-d-iam goes under the knife for plastic work… It is time to turn this sickness around and get back to the enjoyment of living one’s own life with the depth of dignitygracewithbeauty…. Naturally and gallantly ! We will have a much more fiancially productive and healthier society…
Cassandra, I agree with your comments about DV – the motivating factors are power and control, and I’m glad you made the point that while the majority of perpetrators are men there are a minority of men who suffer from this.
The wider point you make about the society we live in is excellent. There is by far a greater focus on the indivdual in the USA than in a lot of other countries, and even more focus on the man being the owner of power. It seems to be thrust upon children from an early age by parents, school, society etc, and yet the messages the media give are mixed. Women in powerful positions whether it be in real life or in fictional characters are becoming more and more prevalent (no doubt to the displeasure of a minority of men)
The reality is status=power which is driven by an individual’s bank balance rather than by their contribution to society,
wow, Cassandra I’m so flattered that you were so inspired to write so much on the blog. Thank you for sharing and good luck with all your research. df
Love what you have to say girl
Tiger who??
I’m afraid that even if Elin get’s rid of Tiger, no one in our generation will be forgetting him soon.
thank you. Tell your friends bold girl
Great post! I want you to follow up to this topic. More on Ellin less on Tiger is good:D
I wonder just what Adam thinks about this
Now, add Tony Parker to this. What a loser. Texting messages to other women while still married to Eva Longoria.
I’m gonna hold out hope for Mr. Parker for one minute. I’m guessing that texting isn’t a complete reason for divorce. let’s see what comes out…
The woman, Erin Barry, was married to Tony Parker’s teammate.