The 12-hour day I am just starting on this set will feel like a vacation compared to the 18-hour shifts I’ve been pulling at home for the last year with my three small children. Felicity may never know that she threw my entire existence a life preserver when she said, “Walk with me.”
On our walk, my new pal shares with me how thrilled she was to come to work in the early years of this series and hide in her trailer. Felicity says she found her double-wide to be a peaceful oasis, in comparison to the high-octane energy of kids as young as mine are now. “It gets so much easier,” Felicity gently adds. It takes everything I have to just smile at Lynette Scavo because this kindness makes me want to cry. As well as grab her by the biceps and make her swear to God she is telling the truth.
Two years ago, I found myself pregnant with my second child when my first was only 9 months old. This was . . . inconvenient. Finding out this surprise pregnancy was twins was . . . life-altering. With all those babies come to fruition now, but all three still under age 3, most of my time is currently spent wiping, cleaning, prepping, driving and worrying, with occasional kisses and renditions of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” that somehow keep me going.
The small percentage of my 20-hour days that I go to work — and get my hair and makeup done, wear fancy clothes and use vocabulary words you must be 4 feet tall to understand — is spectacular. It’s my Disneyland. And I’m seeing, here at my second job since having Irish triplets, that some mommas need to work in the house AND OUT OF IT, to keep their sense of self.
The only variation seems to be how much time each mother wants and how much she actually gets — away from our most treasured people. I am sure of this by my third day on “Desperate Housewives” because I spend it working with Marcia Cross.
Marcia and I, coincidentally, got married on the same day and each spent the next year on television shows hiding our pregnancies. She had twins when I had just one — all born in the same month — but I quickly went on to have my own twins later that year. As I sat across from Marcia, 3 1/2 years into both our marriages, I noticed she has none of the skittish signs of exhaustion and post-partum that I do. And this on her 48th birthday!
I know I have more children than she does (and I don’t have her tremendous paycheck every week) but I’m almost a decade younger than Marcia! She looks fantastic and I feel broken. As I watch her glide around the set, I finally realize what makes a housewife desperate: it’s the house – or more specifically, being stuck in it when you don’t want to be.
But Felicity and Marcia and the rest of the mommies on Wisteria Lane, offer me advice each day I’m here and show me by example that a happy mom is a better mom. Even if that means I have to/get to/want to be a working mom. So I’m leaving my guilt at home with the diaper bag and hustling out (despite the high-pitched pleas for momma) with a Gucci clutch. I’m heading back to work where I’m now sure I also belong.
Thank you, “Housewives.”
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is it bad if i want to be at work ALL THE TIME??
i hope it’s not bad – because i also feel such a relief being AT work lately…
Another fine piece of writing. My new wife has five kids much older but three have special needs and are still home despite their age. She also works in the medical field and I am sure she finds that time away a respite and an opportunity maintain her sense of self as more than as a caregiver. Now that we are together I will be able to help wrangle the kids and ease more of those burdens and when I seek new work (long story) it will be such to help her keep enjoying her work by balancing shifts and schedules
Congrats on your recent wedding and what a great plan to help out with your new, larger family. I hope you have sunny days and sleep filled nights.
from all the responses i’ve heard so far Angie – we are in good company. And not bad at all!
i feel like there be quite a bit of guilt though…no? i’m about to have my first child, so maybe this just an initial gut reaction?
Yes, Megan – there is quite a bit of quilt about everything in motherhood. not doing enough, over doing it, not doing enough homework – doing too much homework and not spending enough time with your kids. in the early years, so far for me at least – it’s all about managing guilt. Because it is a useless emotion.
I never knew you had so many things to juggle. Hang in there, you’re doing great! And you were amazing in Desperate Housewives!
Another fine piece of writing. My new wife has five kids much older but three have special needs and are still home despite their age. She also works in the medical field and I am sure she finds that time away a respite and an opportunity maintain her sense of self as more than as a caregiver. Now that we are together I will be able to help wrangle the kids and ease more of those burdens and when I seek new work (long story) it will be such to help her keep enjoying her work by balancing shifts and schedules
+1
what a great post! thank you for writing. good luck to you and the family.
Thanks for writing this wonderful article Diane! It’s good to know that I’m not the only one feeling this way. And to think that I only have one 3 month old at home…whew, I don’t know how you do it with three!
oh Carron, we are not alone. I always imagined that the mommy’s who were happy to be at home were in the majority, and me and the other sarcastic, “when will this glorious time at home end” witches were the exception. But after a year at home, I can say with confidence – the happy, satisfied, stay at homer’s are not in the majority of those i know!
Hi, I’m very interested in all your writing. I see it in English in the newspaper here but wondering if it is translated into Japanese anywhere?
My first book, The Girl Code, was translated into Japanese, Chinese (Mandarin), Tiawanese and a few other romance languages. Let me know if you can find it on-line still in Japenese. Maybe on Kindel!
Greatings, Super post!
I would like to exchange links with your site getdianefarr.com
Is this possible?