My name is Diane Farr. I’m an actress. If you were to bump into me, your first thought might be, “I think I went to high school with that girl.” But, you didn’t.
If you keep this thought to yourself and continue jogging your memory, you might envision me with a gun or a fire hose. This is not because I’ve been lurking around your house. I have played a cop, a firefighter and an FBI agent over the last decade on TV. If you have managed to keep all of these thoughts to yourself so far, you may then approach me and say, “I know you!” Even though you don’t.
If you push yourself, you might get my name right. But more than half the time you will say, with tremendous excitement, “You’re Jamie Farr!”
Jamie Farr is a 75-year-old man who grew up in Ohio and went on to play Klinger on “M*A*S*H.” Unfortunately, I know just about everything Jamie Farr does because even those who get my name right often assume Jamie is my father.
Or even my husband. Holy Toledo!
Despite being a working actor and writer, I find the media attention paid to celebrities silly. I say this not as a celebrity, but as a junior varsity celebrity as evidenced above — which is just as annoying now as it was in 10th grade when you played on the “other” team no one really wanted to watch.
But an actual star sighting, be it backstage at the Shrine or in line at the deli counter, is always exciting — even to other stars.
I once saw Jean-Claude Van Damme beg his lawyer to introduce him to Christina Aguilera. Van Damme was so star-struck that Aguilera — 17 at the time — had to carry the conversation, which came off like a toddler teaching a grown-up the L-M-N-O-P part of the alphabet.
So, what should you do if you see a celebrity and don’t have a highly paid lawyer for a wingman? Just use my checklist before attempting conversation with the well-known.
First, know who the celebrity is. Don’t walk up to Jewel and tell her you loved “Bridget Jones’s Diary”. Renee and Jewel are not the same. Neither are Mickey Rourke and Jesse Ventura or Lisa Ling and Lucy Liu or the three guys on “Friends.” Getting a celebrity wrong is telling them “You’re not so cool” with a big smile. It’s also best if you know an actor’s real-life name. I know for sure that Tony, Carmela, Meadow and even Adriana are kind of over that job.
Second, look at what the famous person is doing. Fighting with their lover/partner/mistress or dog? Feeding their crying children? If the human being behind the sunglasses is looking vulnerable, now is not the time to intrude because, truthfully, no actor/singer/athlete/politician wakes up in the morning with a burning desire to meet you.
Last, make a plan to vacate the renowned person’s space. Remember that animals get hungry and tired and sometimes bite. So, decide if one or two minutes are enough with the silverback or lioness dressed in Prada, and then walk away after saying hello or getting an autograph.
And for the fan who rushes and gushes over me saying, “I love you Jamie Farr!” — I’ll still give a smile. Because if I’m quiet you may go away quickly without asking me the seemingly harmless question of “What do I know you from, again?” Which, hello!, requires me to run through my whole resume in front of you and everyone else now listening in at the DMV or gynecologist’s office or Kmart checkout line. So from me, Jamie Farr and every A-lister you admire: A smile and a “good job” will do.
If you keep this thought to yourself and continue jogging your memory, you might envision me with a gun or a fire hose. This is not because I’ve been lurking around your house. I have played a cop, a firefighter and an FBI agent over the last decade on TV. If you have managed to keep all of these thoughts to yourself so far, you may then approach me and say, “I know you!” Even though you don’t.
If you push yourself, you might get my name right. But more than half the time you will say, with tremendous excitement, “You’re Jamie Farr!”
Jamie Farr is a 75-year-old man who grew up in Ohio and went on to play Klinger on “M*A*S*H.” Unfortunately, I know just about everything Jamie Farr does because even those who get my name right often assume Jamie is my father.
Or even my husband. Holy Toledo!
Despite being a working actor and writer, I find the media attention paid to celebrities silly. I say this not as a celebrity, but as a junior varsity celebrity as evidenced above — which is just as annoying now as it was in 10th grade when you played on the “other” team no one really wanted to watch.
But an actual star sighting, be it backstage at the Shrine or in line at the deli counter, is always exciting — even to other stars.
I once saw Jean-Claude Van Damme beg his lawyer to introduce him to Christina Aguilera. Van Damme was so star-struck that Aguilera — 17 at the time — had to carry the conversation, which came off like a toddler teaching a grown-up the L-M-N-O-P part of the alphabet.
So, what should you do if you see a celebrity and don’t have a highly paid lawyer for a wingman? Just use my checklist before attempting conversation with the well-known.
First, know who the celebrity is. Don’t walk up to Jewel and tell her you loved “Bridget Jones’s Diary”. Renee and Jewel are not the same. Neither are Mickey Rourke and Jesse Ventura or Lisa Ling and Lucy Liu or the three guys on “Friends.” Getting a celebrity wrong is telling them “You’re not so cool” with a big smile. It’s also best if you know an actor’s real-life name. I know for sure that Tony, Carmela, Meadow and even Adriana are kind of over that job.
Second, look at what the famous person is doing. Fighting with their lover/partner/mistress or dog? Feeding their crying children? If the human being behind the sunglasses is looking vulnerable, now is not the time to intrude because, truthfully, no actor/singer/athlete/politician wakes up in the morning with a burning desire to meet you.
Last, make a plan to vacate the renowned person’s space. Remember that animals get hungry and tired and sometimes bite. So, decide if one or two minutes are enough with the silverback or lioness dressed in Prada, and then walk away after saying hello or getting an autograph.
And for the fan who rushes and gushes over me saying, “I love you Jamie Farr!” — I’ll still give a smile. Because if I’m quiet you may go away quickly without asking me the seemingly harmless question of “What do I know you from, again?” Which, hello!, requires me to run through my whole resume in front of you and everyone else now listening in at the DMV or gynecologist’s office or Kmart checkout line. So from me, Jamie Farr and every A-lister you admire: A smile and a “good job” will do.
(Diane Farr is most known for her roles on “Californication,” “Numb3rs” and “Rescue Me.” She is also the author of The Girl Code.)
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LOL!!! 100%. In my experience best thing to do is if you recognize an actor/artist just go up and say hi im (insert name here) and i love your work. Simple, clean and you may get a real smile and a response like “Thank You” or “Appreciate it” Much better than a fake smile and a turn around.
that’s the spirit Steve. thanks for the support
Haha.. Good job, DIANE!!! =)
I would never have put the Jamie Farr connection together. So funny though
you win! i will never ask again.
But you know, i think it’s less that you are a junior varsity celebrity… it’s more like you are in a very exclusive private school and only those in the know about schools would know you.
What the hell is that girl talking about with private school? Hey Diane – you’re hot. I’d know your name if I saw you
I gotta say I didn’t exactly get the private school reference at first either – but as i kept thinking about it – she is totally right! DF
This took me a minute to figure out Kelly, but once I did – I think you’re totally right!
HAHAHA, great post! Now if only I could meet a celebrity to put this new lesson learned to good use
Just stop by any Whole Foods in Los Angeles. I see everybody there… DF
Great to get real inside information. My problem is I do sometimes get to meet celebrities, but I never know anybody. I should just learn to say “love your work” to everyone, even my garbage man. It’s good ju ju no matter what!
good ju-ju is what it is all about! DF
hey hot mamma! remember the day you were in target and someone recognized you from some show and asked you if you worked there in the same day…hehehe…go girl..
you are so right, smack. (smack is clearly a wise ass and a good friend of mine because this story is oh so true.)
how about MAYBE a smile and keep moving….Short of Bill Clinton what could someone possibly say to whomever it is. I live in NYC and live and work around lots of different people. It drives me nuts that that is all my relatives want to talk to me about or my 11 year old daughter values these people about herself1….BTW Diane, Loved you in Rescue Me, Best of luck with the kiddies!
Like your idea Brendan. I’m with you! wouldn’t it be great if we all stopped talking about actors in our house so our kids didn’t see them as anything to celebrate at all?
I have had a crush on you since lovelines. this just did me in
i stopped watching rescue me because you left. i loved your voice so much. Then i started watchi’ Numb3rs…and damn. you left again. you are great.
Thank you Kris Adams. HOW NICE of you to take the time to reach out to me with this note. df